you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
we're so committed to being not committed
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
