I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
