Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
