ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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