The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
