he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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