Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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