I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
