I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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