ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
