You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
