Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
