My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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