i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
