Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He passed out mid-signature
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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