There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
