we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize