I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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