One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
