i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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