loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
