Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
