he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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