the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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