Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize