I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
