Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
