I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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