How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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