I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
