Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
