I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
