you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
