I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I need moral support for this bender
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
