Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize