its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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