Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
