no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
