Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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