i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize