Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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