Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
