Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
