that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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