Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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