put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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