omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
