Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
