Plan B is the new Plan A
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
