I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
