So drunk its hurt
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
