I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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