he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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