I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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