okay pat passed out under dana's car
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
