Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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