New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
