Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
