The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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