Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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