facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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