I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
