we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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