1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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