It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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