All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
