We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
