Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
