i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize