Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
