No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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