Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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