i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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