I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
