Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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