someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
