Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
