She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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